Wording guide

Engagement party invitation wording

One rule governs this invitation more than any wording choice: everyone invited to the engagement party has to be invited to the wedding.

A complete invitation suite laid out on oatmeal linen with silk ribbon

That rule is not negotiable and it is the thing people discover too late. An engagement party is the first public event of the wedding, and inviting somebody to celebrate an engagement and then leaving them off the wedding list is the kind of slight that lasts. Build the engagement list as a subset of the wedding list, not as its own thing, and the whole problem disappears.

Traditionally the bride's parents host and the invitation says so, though it has relaxed to the point that the couple hosting their own is completely normal. Whoever hosts goes in the host line, plainly, because that is where guests look to work out who to reply to and who to thank.

Gifts are the grey area. Engagement gifts are not required, most guests bring something anyway, and the invitation should not mention a registry. If people ask, the answer is that their presence is enough. A registry line on an engagement invitation makes the whole run of wedding paper look like an invoice arriving in instalments.

The wording, written out

Parents hosting, semi-formal

Mr. and Mrs. James Whitfield invite you to celebrate the engagement of their daughter Amelia to Daniel Okonkwo Saturday, the tenth of May, at seven in the evening 1424 Willow Court, Poway Kindly reply by the first of May

The traditional form, slightly warmed. "Celebrate the engagement" rather than "request the honour", because this is a party and not a ceremony.

Couple hosting, relaxed

We are getting married and we would like a drink about it first Amelia and Daniel Saturday, the tenth of May, from seven 1424 Willow Court, Poway

The register most engagement parties actually want. Announcing and inviting in the same breath, which is what the evening is.

Surprise engagement party

They do not know An engagement party for Amelia and Daniel Saturday, the tenth of May Please arrive by six forty-five They arrive at seven Nothing on social media until after, please

Surprise engagement parties leak through social media more than any other kind, because guests want to post the ring. One line prevents it.

Doubling as the announcement

Amelia and Daniel are engaged and you are among the first to know Come and celebrate, Saturday the tenth of May, from seven

If the party is how you are telling people, the news has to lead. Guests reading an invitation to a party for an engagement they had not heard about will be confused for a beat, and that beat is avoidable.

What goes wrong

The mistakes worth avoiding

Inviting anybody who will not be invited to the wedding. This is the one that causes lasting damage.
Putting a registry on it, which turns the first piece of wedding paper into a request.
Leaving the hosts off, so guests do not know who to thank or reply to.
Sending it before the parents on both sides have actually been told.
Forgetting to ask guests to hold off posting, at a surprise party where everyone wants a photo of the ring.

Questions people ask

Who is supposed to host?

Traditionally the bride's parents. In practice, whoever wants to. Name whoever is actually hosting and paying, and no guest will think twice about it.

How far ahead does it go out?

Three to four weeks. Engagement parties usually happen within a few months of the proposal, and guests need less notice than for a wedding.

Can we invite people we are not inviting to the wedding?

No. That is the one hard rule here. If the wedding is small, keep the engagement party small too, or expect the difference to be noticed.

Should it match the wedding invitation?

It should not, because the wedding invitation usually does not exist yet and the wedding style is often unsettled. Something that feels like the couple is enough.

Want the wording set properly?

Wording is included in anything designed here. Tell me who is hosting and anything delicate about it, and I will set it and show you two versions to choose between. $45 for a First Look concept, back in three days, and it comes off whatever you book.

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