Wording guide

Bridal shower invitation wording

The shower is the one invitation where registry information is not only allowed, it is expected.

A sage ceramic vase with an olive branch beside a stack of cards

A shower invitation has a different job from a wedding invitation, and it is worth being clear about the difference, because the etiquette that governs one does not govern the other. A wedding invitation may not mention gifts. A shower is explicitly a gift-giving event, so the registry line belongs on the invitation, and leaving it off just means thirty people text the host to ask.

The host line matters here for a practical reason rather than a delicate one. Traditionally the shower is thrown by somebody other than the bride's immediate family, and although that convention has relaxed almost everywhere, guests still read the host line to work out who to reply to. Name the host, and give one clear reply route rather than three.

Showers also carry more small print than any other invitation of their size: a theme, a request to bring a recipe or a piece of advice, a note that the bride does not know, sometimes a meal. Each of those is a line, and each one competes with the date. The fix is hierarchy, not fewer words. Date and time large, address next, everything else in smaller type at the base, in the order a guest needs it.

The wording, written out

Standard hosted shower

Please join us for a bridal shower honouring Amelia Rose Sunday, the third of May at eleven in the morning 1424 Willow Court, Poway Hosted by Katherine Vance and Grace Okonkwo Kindly reply to Grace by April the twentieth Registered at Crate & Barrel and Zola

Everything a guest needs, in the order they need it. The registry and the reply route sit at the base, below a rule, where they do not compete with the date.

Surprise shower

Shh — it is a surprise A bridal shower honouring Amelia Sunday, the third of May, at eleven Please arrive by ten forty-five 1424 Willow Court, Poway

The arrival time is the most important line on a surprise invitation and should be set as prominently as the start time. Guests drifting in late is how a surprise dies.

Co-ed shower

Amelia and Daniel are getting married and we are throwing them a party first Saturday, the ninth of May, at four Drinks, dinner, and terrible advice welcome 1424 Willow Court, Poway

A co-ed shower reads better as a party than as a shower. Naming both people in the first line is what signals it, so nobody turns up expecting an afternoon of tea.

Recipe or advice card request

In lieu of a card, please bring a recipe you actually make Please bring your best piece of marriage advice, written down Bring a book for their shelf instead of a card

One line at the base, phrased as an invitation rather than an instruction. "Please bring a recipe" invites; "each guest must bring" issues orders.

Virtual or long-distance shower

A bridal shower for Amelia, wherever you are Sunday, the third of May eleven in the morning, Pacific time Link to follow the week before Kindly reply so we know to expect you

The time zone is not optional on a virtual invitation, and the link goes out separately, closer to the date, so it does not get lost in a message from two months ago.

What goes wrong

The mistakes worth avoiding

Leaving the registry off out of politeness, which just moves thirty questions onto the host.
Naming three hosts and three phone numbers, so replies arrive scattered and nobody has the count.
Setting the reply date a week before the shower, which is too late to order food.
Burying the arrival time on a surprise shower in the same size type as everything else.
Using the wedding invitation design exactly. The shower is a different event and a lighter one, and the paper should say so.

Questions people ask

When do bridal shower invitations go out?

Four to six weeks before the shower, and the shower itself usually sits one to three months before the wedding. If guests are travelling, six weeks.

Can the bride's mother host?

Yes. The old convention against it has effectively gone, and in most families now the mother or a sister hosts. Name whoever is hosting, plainly.

Where does the registry go?

At the base of the invitation, in smaller type, or on a small enclosure card. Never above the date, and never on the wedding invitation itself.

Do shower guests have to be invited to the wedding?

Yes, with the single exception of an office shower thrown by colleagues. Inviting someone to a shower and not the wedding is the etiquette breach people actually remember.

Want the wording set properly?

Wording is included in anything designed here. Tell me who is hosting and anything delicate about it, and I will set it and show you two versions to choose between. $45 for a First Look concept, back in three days, and it comes off whatever you book.

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