Wording guide

RSVP wording

The reason people do not reply is almost never rudeness. It is that the card gave them three ways to do it and no date.

A tall neat stack of cards on warm linen tied with a narrow silk ribbon

An RSVP line has to answer three things: by when, to whom, and how. Leave any one out and the reply rate drops, because replying stops being a two-second decision and becomes a small task that gets postponed. The most common failure is offering a phone number, an email address and a website all at once, which sounds helpful and actually means the guest has to choose before they can act.

The deadline needs to be a real date, not "as soon as you can". A date creates a deadline; a request creates a vague obligation. Set it two to three weeks before the event for a party and three to four for a wedding, which is enough time to chase the silent third of your list before caterers need a number.

The formal reply card still has a place, and its structure is worth understanding even if you never print one. The M line ("M ______") exists so the guest writes their own title and name, which is how the host gets the spelling right for place cards. "____ accepts / ____ declines with regret" gives them one box to tick. It is efficient, and its modern equivalents work the same way with warmer words.

The wording, written out

On the invitation, one route

Kindly reply by the twentieth of April Please reply by April 20 to [email protected] Let Grace know by the twentieth — 555-0142

One date, one route, one line. If you have a wedding website, that is the route, and it should be the only one printed.

Formal reply card

M ____________________ ____ accepts with pleasure ____ declines with regret Kindly reply by the twentieth of April

The M line collects the guest's own spelling of their name, which is what makes place cards accurate. It is the reason the convention has survived.

Reply card with meal choice

M ____________________ ____ will be there ____ cannot make it Number attending ____ Beef ____ Fish ____ Vegetarian ____ Anything we should know about? ____________________

The last line catches allergies without a separate question, and it is where guests tell you things you would otherwise find out on the night.

Digital reply

Reply at amelia-and-daniel.com by April the twentieth Tap the invitation to reply — it takes ten seconds

If the invitation is digital, the reply lives in the invitation. Do not print a website address on a card and also give a phone number; you will get half your replies in each place.

Chasing, without nagging

We have not heard from you yet and we would love to — could you let us know either way by Friday?

Sent about a week after the deadline, individually, not to the whole list. "Either way" is the phrase that gets answers, because it gives people permission to decline.

What goes wrong

The mistakes worth avoiding

Offering three reply routes, so replies arrive scattered and no one place holds the count.
Writing "RSVP" with no date at all, which is the single biggest cause of a silent guest list.
Setting the deadline a week before the event, leaving no time to chase anybody.
Asking for meal choices without a line for allergies, which just moves the conversation to the day.
Sending a group chase message to everybody, including the people who replied promptly.

Questions people ask

What does RSVP actually stand for?

Répondez s'il vous plaît, French for "please reply". Which is why "please RSVP" is technically saying please twice, and why nobody minds.

How long should we give people?

Two to three weeks before a party, three to four before a wedding. The deadline should sit a week or more before whenever you have to give the caterer a final number.

What do we do about people who never reply?

Contact them individually about a week after the deadline and ask for an answer either way. Expect to chase roughly a third of any list; it is normal and not personal.

Can the RSVP go to a website instead of a card?

Yes, and for most weddings now it should. It is faster for guests, it collects meal choices cleanly, and it removes the stamped reply envelope from the budget entirely.

Want the wording set properly?

Wording is included in anything designed here. Tell me who is hosting and anything delicate about it, and I will set it and show you two versions to choose between. $45 for a First Look concept, back in three days, and it comes off whatever you book.

Start one

Keep reading