Wording guide

Rehearsal dinner invitation wording

Traditionally hosted by the groom's parents, traditionally warmer than the wedding invitation, and traditionally sent to a much shorter list than people expect.

A long garden dinner table set at golden hour

The rehearsal dinner invitation is the one piece of wedding paper that is allowed to be relaxed, and it should be. It follows a rehearsal, it is usually smaller and more personal than the wedding, and the guests are the people who know the couple best. An invitation that matches the formality of the wedding invitation exactly makes the evening sound like a second ceremony.

The host line is where the convention still holds: the groom's parents host, and the invitation says so. That is no longer universal, and plenty of couples host their own or split it, but naming whoever is actually hosting still matters because it tells guests where to reply and, quietly, who to thank.

The guest list is the part that causes friction. The traditional list is the wedding party and their partners, the immediate families of both sides, the officiant, and any out-of-town guests who have travelled in. That last group is what makes the number grow, and it is worth deciding early whether you are inviting all of them or none of them, because inviting some is the version people notice.

The wording, written out

Groom's parents hosting, traditional

Dr. and Mrs. Emeka Okonkwo request the pleasure of your company at the rehearsal dinner honouring Amelia and Daniel Friday, the thirteenth of June at seven in the evening Cucina Sorella, San Diego

Formal but a step down from the wedding invitation. "The pleasure of your company" rather than "the honour of your presence", which belongs to a ceremony.

Warm and modern

The night before Dinner for the people who got them here Friday, June the thirteenth, seven o'clock Cucina Sorella, 3350 Adams Avenue Hosted by Emeka and Ifeoma Okonkwo

This is the register most rehearsal dinners actually want. It is affectionate, it names the hosts plainly, and it does not pretend the evening is formal.

Couple hosting their own

Before we do the big one Amelia and Daniel would love you at dinner Friday, June the thirteenth, at seven Cucina Sorella, San Diego Just family and the wedding party

That last line does real work. It tells anyone who received a wedding invitation and not this one why, before they have to wonder.

Welcome dinner for out-of-town guests

A welcome dinner for everyone who travelled Friday, June the thirteenth, from six The courtyard at The Old Mill Drop in any time — no seating plan, no speeches

If you are inviting all your travelling guests, call it a welcome dinner rather than a rehearsal dinner. It is a different event with a different guest list and the name prevents confusion.

What goes wrong

The mistakes worth avoiding

Matching the wedding invitation exactly in formality, so the evening sounds like a second ceremony.
Inviting some out-of-town guests and not others without a line explaining the boundary.
Sending it separately weeks later, when it could have travelled with the wedding invitation and saved postage and confusion.
Leaving the hosts off, so nobody knows who to thank at the end of the night.
Forgetting to say whether there will be speeches. People prepare for them, or dread them, either way they want to know.

Questions people ask

When does the rehearsal dinner invitation go out?

Usually with the wedding invitation, six to eight weeks out, as a separate enclosure to the shorter list. Sending it on its own later works but costs a second mailing.

Who is actually invited?

The wedding party and their partners, immediate family on both sides, the officiant, and often out-of-town guests. Anyone in the rehearsal is invited to the dinner without exception.

Does it have to match the wedding suite?

It should relate, not match. Same palette or same type, lighter treatment. Guests should be able to see they belong to the same weekend.

Who hosts if the groom's parents are not involved?

Whoever is paying, named plainly. There is no penalty for the couple hosting their own, and no need to explain the arrangement on the card.

Want the wording set properly?

Wording is included in anything designed here. Tell me who is hosting and anything delicate about it, and I will set it and show you two versions to choose between. $45 for a First Look concept, back in three days, and it comes off whatever you book.

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